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Five Crucial Steps Towards Engaged Employment

Written on May 11, 2009. Posted in Life Coaching Newsletter.

Lately, given the economy, many people are changing careers or considering a change. Full-time moms are returning to the workforce; folks that have been laid off are planning their next move; and walks of all life are contemplating new jobs and careers that might better suit their strengths, values and interests.

If you too are ready to figure out what’s next in your career, the below article leads you through an easy process to expand your professional network and uncover job leads that aren’t publicly posted. Also, if you’re a mom who’s looking for a new job or career or returning to the workforce after an extended leave, stay tuned for our upcoming teleconference: Power Communication Techniques for Moms in Career Transition.

With gratitude,
Amber

Five Crucial Steps Towards Engaged Employment

As the old saying goes and rings true, it really is “who you know, not what you know” that matters most. Currently, 70% of jobs are acquired through private connections (colleagues, friends/family, recruiters, etc.) and are never posted publicly (through online sites, want ads, etc.). Since fewer people know about these jobs, there’s less competition – always a benefit when job seeking.

So, what can you do to beef up your network?

One way to expand your private connections and get looped into more job opportunities is to set-up and conduct informational interviews. Informational interviews are different than job interviews in that you’re not applying for a job. Instead, you informally meet and talk with folks in a field or position that interests you to get an inside pulse on the ins and outs of this line of work. Most importantly, it’s a great way to get to know the players in your desired field and to determine in a low-pressure environment which path might be right for you.

Below are five simple steps for setting up and conducting informational interviews.

Step 1: Choose Your Contacts Wisely

The easiest way to determine who you should contact is to go through all of your contact lists – your email, PDA, phone book, etc. – and to make a list of everyone you know in your desired field or position. This includes family members, friends, colleagues, neighbors, community members, etc. If you find that you really don’t know anyone in your desired field, then look at who you know who knows someone in this field. If you find you don’t have any relevant connections, then conduct some online research. Take a look at organizations that interest you and try to find names and contact information for folks in the positions that appeal to you. Or do an online search on a specific career or field and see what names show up in the first two pages of your search engine. After you’ve searched under every rock and stone, put together a list of your top ten contacts.

Step 2: Make the Ask

Once you’ve selected your top ten contacts, think about how you want to approach these folks. The easiest way to set-up informational interviews is through a short email where you introduce yourself (or re-introduce yourself) and explain that you’re in career transition; finishing training; or interested in learning more about what your contact does and what advice s/he has about this field. Offer to take him/her to coffee so you can pick his/her brain for 20 minutes.

Step 3: Set the Stage

After you’ve set up your first informational interview, you’ll want to create a standard list of questions to ask during each meeting. Below are some questions that you might want to include:

How did you get into this line of work?
What’s a typical business day like for you?
What do you find challenging about your job?
What do you find fulfilling about your job?
What’s been the biggest surprise for you about your career?
Do you know anyone else in this field who I could talk with?

Step 4: It’s All About Them

When it comes time to meet with your contacts, simply ask the questions, sit back, relax and have fun. The beauty of informational interviews is that people love to talk about themselves. All you have to do is ask a few open-ended questions and let your contacts do the rest of the work. It’s a very low stress situation because it’s 80% about your contacts and only 20% about you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Also, be sure to respect your contacts’ time by keeping the conversation to no longer than 20 minutes and by thanking them for their time. Since you’re not applying for a job, you can have your resume on hand, but only hand it over if they ask for it. And, keep in mind that the most important question is your closing question: “Do you know anyone else in this field who I could talk with?”

Step 5: Make a Lasting Impression

Be sure to send a hand-written thank you note to each contact you meet with, within a week of each meeting. Personal touches go a long way and you will stand out in your contacts’ mind the next time s/he comes across an opportunity, lead or new contact that might interest you.

Before you know it, you’ll have expanded your professional circle exponentially and the leaders in your desired field may even start to recognize your name. This will help you significantly in determining what next step is right for you and, eventually, in landing your next job.

engaged employment

How to Keep Your Head Up When Your Bottom Line is Sinking

Written on January 5, 2009. Posted in Life Coaching Newsletter.

If you’re like some of my clients, you may be feeling fear, doubt and worry in these uncertain economic times. And if you’re a parent, your stress and anxiety may be compounded by the very real need to provide for your family.

So, what can you do about it?

For starters, read the below article for a few ideas to get you moving in the right direction. Also, keep your eyes open for my upcoming teleclass for committed entrepreneurs, “Move from Surviving to Thriving in 2009: Managing Fear in Uncertain Economic Times” starting January 28, 2009. This issues’ article offers just a taste of what will be covered in the teleclass-there is so much more! Contact me at amber@pacificlifecoach.com or (415) 637-3855 with any questions or to reserve your space-this program will fill up quickly.

Here’s to a wildly successful and fulfilling 2009.

– Amber

How to Keep Your Head Up When Your Bottom Line is Sinking

So, what can you do about it?

A great place to start is by putting yourself on the top of your to-do list. You may find that by spending a little bit of time and energy focusing on yourself, you’re in turn better positioned to manage the stress and anxiety of these uncertain times. Conversely, if you’re not taking care of yourself, you may notice that it’s difficult to be fully engaged and present at work and at home and that you spend a lot of time worrying about how today’s troubling headlines will impact your personal finances, plans and dreams. You may feel worn down and exhausted and your communication skills, relationships, and ability to solve problems may suffer as a result.

What does it mean to put yourself on the top of your to-do list?

Putting yourself first starts with basic self-care such as getting enough sleep (that means going to bed a little early or squeezing a little extra babysitting time so you can nap); eating regularly; exercising a little bit every day (whether it’s taking the stairs at work or walking with your child to the playground); and whatever daily practice (journaling, singing, meditation, music, prayer, yoga, etc.) energizes you, renews you and quiets the fear, doubt and worry swimming around in your head.

In times like these, it may also be helpful to gain awareness around what’s your job versus what’s out of your control. A simple way to do this is to take a piece of paper and on one side, write down everything that is your job right now. On the other side, write down everything that is out of your control right now.

For example, your job may include self-care, caring for your family and household duties. Your job may also be to notice negativity-which tends to be contagious. If you notice that certain friends or family members regularly complain about the doom and gloom of the recession, perhaps it’s your job to identify the people and situations that offer you more positive perspectives. Or, if you find that the sensationalism in mainstream media is playing into your own fears about the economy, your job may be to find an alternate news source that gives you a more accurate report of what’s really going on, without the scare tactics (perhaps public news outlets, for example).

What else is your job? Take a few minutes to write down everything that comes to mind.

Once you’ve finished writing down everything that is your job right now, turn your paper over and think about what is out of your control right now. For example, the stock market, the housing market, the job market, and what other people do or say is all out of your control. After you’ve done your part of following-up on a job lead or with a potential client, whether or not they get back in touch with you is also out of your control. Your kids coming down with a bug; your boss’ bad mood, or your car breaking down are all out of your control. You get the idea.

What else is out of your control? Take another few minutes to write down everything that comes to mind.

After you’ve written down what’s your job versus what’s out of your control, you will have very good awareness around the difference between the two. Then, you can actively choose to spend more time and energy focused on what is truly your job (which tends to be related to positive actions). In turn, you may find that you end up paying less attention to and let go a little bit of that which is out of your control (which tends to be related to negative thoughts). In addition, think of all the energy you’ll free up by choosing to focus on positive actions instead of negative thoughts.

There is no doubt that these are tough times. However, instead of completely succumbing to the fear, doubt and worry, I challenge you to build your awareness and shift your perspective just a little bit. You may be surprised at what you find.

How to Manage Your To-Do List

Written on July 5, 2008. Posted in Life Coaching Newsletter.

Happy summer! With a ten week old baby at home I decided to take some of my own advice and simplify my to-do list by recycling this issue’s feature article. Below you’ll find a recent article from the popular e-zine Daily Candy which includes tips from myself and my colleague, Corrine Bucher, on “Managing the Working Mom’s Mountain of To-Dos”. Just remember, delegation is your friend.

Also, the next Moms in Balance 90-Day Group Coaching Program will begin in September. You will walk away from these six group coaching sessions with:

A clarified work/life vision
Tools for managing guilt, fear and stress
The ability to say “no”
An extreme self-care practice
A detailed plan with accountability

Hope you can join us!

Here’s to a summer with less time stressing about what you have to do and more time enjoying what you want to do.

– Amber

How to Manage Your To-Do List

The following article ran in Daily Candy in March of 2008.

Do. Delegate. Drop.

Whirling too fast? The secret of the happy dervish is accurately spotting the mark. We asked life coaches Corrine Bucher and Amber Rosenberg for advice on managing the working mom’s mountain of to-do’s.

Make a master list of all your tasks.
Take a clean sheet of paper and make three columns: Do, Delegate, Drop.
Put each item in a column. Don’t confuse hard choices with no choices. Remember, this is about feeling happier.
Set yourself up to be accountable: Enroll a supporter and share your list.

Now, turn into the spin.

delegate, manage your to-do list

Overwhelmed? Five Steps to Take Back Your Life

Written on January 5, 2008. Posted in Life Coaching Newsletter.

Happy New Year! With the busyness of the holidays just behind us and all the change a new year brings, many people I speak with these days are feeling overwhelmed. Below is an article that I wrote two years ago that provides you with a few steps to manage feeling overwhelmed and take back your life.

For some more helpful tips on staying balanced during this busy period, check out my most recent interview on View from the Bay on ABC-TV. Also, Moms Thrive Now Workshops are right around the corner – in San Francisco on 1/9/08 and Walnut Creek on 1/15/08 – and the Moms in Balance 90-Day Group Coaching Program will begin in February. Hope to see you there!

Here’s to creating a 2008 where your most precious dreams come to life.

– Amber

Overwhelmed? Five Steps to Take Back Your Life

Do you spend your energy worrying about everything you have to do instead of actually doing it? Has making dinner, picking up the dry cleaning or responding to e-mails become a monumental effort? Is your to-do list growing at unmanageable rates?

Lately, I’ve been observing what happens when I find myself in this undesirable place. I noticed that when I start to feel overwhelmed, I go to great lengths to check ‘just one more thing’ off of my to-do list. While this short burst of frenzied activity allows me to accomplish one thing, by the time I get to the second item, I’m totally exhausted.

So, I decided to try an experiment. For the last week, I tried to give into this stuck feeling; to surrender to it and to see what happens. When I slowed down, I noticed that the culprit was often unrealistic expectations of myself and my time.

When I started to have these unrealistic expectations of myself, it became easy to lose sight of why I committed to doing something in the first place. Once I became disconnected from the meaning behind my actions, it was easy to lose motivation. Losing motivation for one thing quickly snowballed into losing motivation for another thing, which contributed to an ever-growing to-do list and, eventually feeling overwhelmed.

Instead of giving into this frenzy, I decided to take some time to re-connect with what’s important to me – exercise, meditation, laughter and fun. Now I’m in the process of figuring out how to incorporate these into my everyday life.
So, when you’re overwhelmed, instead of trying to get as much done as quickly as you can, try slowing down to get re-connected with the meaning behind your actions. Try a few of these exercises to help you slow down:

1) As often as possible, stop for a moment and take several deep, relaxing breaths.

2) Do something that you used to do as a child. Run through a sprinkler, swing on a swing-set or draw a picture.

3) Go outdoors for as long as it takes get perspective. Take time to notice the details of nature – look up at the clouds, smell the grass, snow or rain and feel the fresh air on your skin.

4) Run up and down your stairs or do some jumping jacks or push-ups for 10 minutes. Explore how getting out of your mind and into your body helps you to feel both calm and energized.

5) Watch a funny movie or read a funny book. Laughter provides perspective and makes everything feel more manageable.

Spend a week trying these exercises and then look for patterns.

What do you notice? What are you learning? What is possible from here?

Write down what you learned or share it with your coach.

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, try letting go of your expectations and measuring your accomplishments. Instead, focus on slowing down and re-connecting with what energizes and feeds you. When you’re connected with your values and the guiding principles of your life, you’re connected to the natural fuel for getting things done.

take back your life, treat overwhelm

5 Benefits of Slowing Down: Tales of a Pregnant Pause

Written on November 5, 2007. Posted in Working Mothers Newsletter.

I hope you had a Thanksgiving filled with joy and appreciation! For some helpful tips on balancing work and family, check out my most recent interview on View from the Bay on CBS. I’ll be featured on another episode of this show on 12/4 to talk about staying balanced this holiday season (KGO-TV, San Francisco).

Also, check out upcoming Moms Thrive Now Workshops scheduled in San Francisco on 1/9/08 and Walnut Creek on 1/15/08 and the Moms in Balance 90-Day Group Coaching Program to begin in Feb., 2008. Hope to see you there!

This ezine’s featured article offers personal insight into what I’ve recently learned about the benefits of slowing down. Working mother or not, you can apply these experiences to your own life to help achieve your own personal balance.

To your health, happiness and success,
Amber

5 Benefits of Slowing Down: Tales of a Pregnant Pause

For the majority of my life, learning how to slow down has been very much a work-in-progress. Several years ago, I was completely unfamiliar with the concept, however, due to various life circumstances, I’ve had regular opportunities to re-examine my pace in life and to make choices as to what would work best moving forward.

This last year or so, I chose to exercise really hard, to work even harder, and to fill my weekends with social engagements. Then, three months ago, I found out I was pregnant and everything started to change – again.

As a goal-oriented woman who prides herself in knowing what she wants and making it happen, I felt extremely grateful to be pregnant – especially since this is not a guarantee in life. I was very excited for about a week – I called immediate family to share the news and was unable to contain myself when I saw friends in person. I thought I had it all figured out. Think again.

I quickly started to experience severe pain that left me on the couch for two weeks. I was diagnosed with three different pregnancy-related conditions that not only caused pain but left me completely exhausted – much more than the normal first-trimester fatigue (not to mention the all-day bouts of nausea).

I realized that my body was providing me with my next opportunity to learn how to slow down and I had to make some choices – quickly. I decided to greatly minimize my work commitments and to give up my intense hour-long daily exercise routine (it was just too painful). I also scaled down my social calendar, selecting fewer and more easy-going activities.

To say that all of this has been a challenge and a learning experience would be an understatement. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned, in hope that you can apply whatever you find helpful to your own life.

Sometimes a packed schedule can give you the feeling that you’re accomplishing a lot, really successful and in high-demand. While all this action and busyness may make you feel important, it’s still possible to feel successful without killing yourself. It’s less about quantity and more about quality; less about ego and more about substance. Also, if you don’t learn how to slow down on your own, your body may take matters into its own hands. Last, slowing down is a body/mind/soul/heart experience. You can’t just say you’re going to slow down and make it happen. All of you has to be on board (or forced to be on board) or it won’t work.

5 Benefits of Slowing Down:

You experience the present more fully and are able to be here now without worrying about what’s next.
The days and weeks feel longer and you gain a truer understanding of the value of time.
You’re better able to notice the people, the moments or the situations that give you the most energy and fulfillment and to prioritize these moving forward. When you choose to spend time with people, you’re better able to connect with them and on a deeper level.
You’re able to get back in touch with your creative, strategic side that allows you to think big and create a vision.
You remember what you’re grateful for because you have time to think about it.

As you think about how slowing down may serve you, ask yourself a few questions. What’s the easiest thing you can do this week to slow down? What’s the benefit? What’s the cost? What are you learning about yourself? What will you do differently moving forward?

You may find that learning how to slow down is a wonderful gift you can give yourself, your loved ones, and your career. Or you may discover that you’re at a point in your life where slowing down simply doesn’t serve you. The important thing is to do some honest, careful thinking about what works best for you right now and to know that you always have a choice moving forward. You’re worth it.

benefits of slowing down

How to Re-Define Success as a Working Mother

Written on September 25, 2007. Posted in Working Mothers Newsletter.

Check out my interview about the challenges facing working mothers on a recent episode of View from the Bay on CBS. I’ll be featured on another episode of this show on Tues. 10/2 to talk about how to juggle kids and career (3-4 pm, KGO-TV, San Francisco).

Speaking of juggling work and family, this ezine’s featured article helps you to create a vision and re-define priorities so you can better focus on what’s truly important to you.

To your health, happiness and success,
Amber

How to Re-Define Success as a Working Mother

Are you a “type-A” working mother who used to define yourself by your career? Now that you have kids, do you feel constantly pulled by conflicting priorities? Are you most comfortable and familiar with operating at 110% but juggling work and family has you running at 220%?

One of my clients, whom we’ll call Sarah, is actively working to overcome these challenges. Forty-one years old and a vice president at a publishing house, she appears to have it all: two wonderful children, a loving husband, a rewarding job, a beautiful house and a large nest-egg for retirement.

Yet, despite these outward trappings of success, Sarah feels that she can’t be the professional or the mom that she wants to be and, as a result, she feels guilty for letting others (and herself) down. She worries that both her kids and her work suffer as a result. Exhaustion and stress have started to take a toll on her physical health, emotions and relationships.

Sarah is far from alone. Despite their significant achievements, many outwardly successful working mothers come seeking my services because they feel the same: overwhelmed, guilty and stressed.

So, the question becomes, how do you define success? A fat salary? Being a good mom? Enjoying a loving romantic partnership? Making a difference in the world? An impressive title?

At the end of the day, how you define success is very personal and no two people define it the same way. Below is an exercise to help you get started in defining success on your own terms.

Step One:

Create and draft a compelling vision (best imagined outcome) for your career and life one year from now. Imagine your life is exactly as you’d like it to be. In one or two paragraphs, describe your ideal life.

Also, while there is no right way to do this, I recommend you find a quiet place and do ten minutes of deep breathing before you even start this exercise. It is important for you to give yourself full permission to dream without censoring or trying to figure out how you will achieve your vision.

In order for you to be clear about your vision, it is helpful for you to know what your values are; what’s truly important to you. Clarifying your values will help you discover what’s essential in your life. Values are the intangibles that drive us, inspire us, and energize us. For example, travel is not a value, but it may represent how the values of adventure and learning are expressed. Money is not a value, but it may represent how the value of freedom and a lack of want are expressed.

Here is a partial list of values to help cultivate your vision: accomplishment, beauty, adventure, creativity, family, nature, truthfulness, power, trust, security, challenge, directness, freedom, growth, leadership, service, recognition, partnership, etc. Make sure your vision aligns with your values.

Also, think about how your vision excites you. If it doesn’t scare you a little, or if you already know how to get there, you are probably thinking too small.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

What will you be doing?
With whom will you be spending your time?
How will you show up in the world?
What will your impact be?
What will be exciting (engaging, rewarding) about that?
How does this picture for your career and your life honor your values, and let you lead the type of life you desire?

Step Two:

Briefly describe the personal qualities you will need to bring forth to achieve your vision. (More confident? More focused? More forgiving of yourself?)

Creating your vision will help you define your priorities. Once you know what your priorities are, you’ll be better able to focus on what’s truly important to you. You may even find that you’re able to let go of some of that guilt about not being able to “do it all” or to be “everything to everyone”.

You may learn that you while you used to think you wanted it all, you choose not to have it all at the same time. Or perhaps you will discover that there are certain things that you are just not willing to sacrifice. Or you may learn that you can live more modestly with greater peace of mind. Whatever you discover, I hope you will remember that success is very personal and you’ve taken a great first step in creating a definition of success that fulfills your needs, goals, and dreams.

redefine success, work and family balance, work life balance

How to Transition Back to Work After Maternity Leave

Written on July 5, 2007. Posted in Working Mothers Newsletter.

Happy Summer! Take a moment to check out a recent Washington Post article that includes an interview with one of my clients on her coaching experience. Also be sure to look for my interview about the challenges facing working mothers on an upcoming episode of View from the Bay, on CBS in San Francisco.

This ezine’s featured article offers practical solutions for transitioning back to work after maternity leave and serves as a reminder for more seasoned working parents on how to achieve work/family balance.

To your health, happiness and success,
Amber

How to Transition Back to Work After Maternity Leave

If you’re like many of my clients who return to work after maternity leave, you may view your job as a welcome vacation from the exhausting responsibilities of caring for a newborn. Oh, the irony. However, as you prepare to go back to work, you may unexpectedly be faced with a whole new set of challenges, including growing feelings of anxiety and guilt about not staying home with your child. Here are a few ideas to help you through this process:

Plan Your Plan Carefully select the best back-to-work date for you and your family. Try to anticipate how much time you’ll need (and how much time you’ll get) as best as you can. Review your employer’s maternity leave policy and talk with other working mothers in your field. Work with your husband/partner to assess your personal financial situation to determine when and how (part-time, flex schedule, etc.) you’ll return to work. Also, be sure to review your Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) eligibility. As you start to explore these questions, you may also find it helpful to create a work-plan for you and your growing family that outlines what your weekly schedule will look like.

Partner with Your Partner Talk to your husband/partner about your plan and make sure you’re both on the same page. You’ll strengthen your relationship, save time and energy and build the support you’ll need throughout this transition. You might be surprised to find that your partner shares similar feelings about his or her return to work. Talk with your partner about what is going to work best for the family, as a whole. Remember that perfect options don’t exist. There will be sacrifices by both parents. Money, time, convenience and fast-paced career growth are among the biggest things that may change. The best option will include sacrifices with which you both can live. By engaging in honest, ongoing communication with your partner/husband, you’ll be able to successfully manage this transition together.

Communicate at Work Too Not everyone has the luxury of working with colleagues who are familiar with the challenges of returning to work after maternity leave. Talk regularly with your supervisor and/or your staff about your schedule, priorities and options. Only you know what you need to balance your roles as mom and professional, so speak up.

No Woman is an Island – Delegate! One of the secrets to success as a working mom is learning how to delegate to other staff, your husband/partner, your family, etc. If you’re overwhelmed with work, take a look at your to-do list and ask yourself some honest questions. What do you absolutely need to do right now? What can you postpone, delegate or say “no” to? On the personal front, hiring a cleaning person one day a week may be all it takes to make you feel in control of your home life again. Maybe it’s time for him to start ironing his own shirts or for your older children to start doing the dishes. Spread the workload around a little -small changes can make a big difference.

Find Comfort in Childcare The more comfortable you are with your childcare situation, the easier it will be for you to focus on work. Set-up a trial run with your daycare for a week before you return to work to prevent any last minute surprises about reliability, scheduling, pick-up/drop-off, etc.
Breast-pumps and Boardrooms Some larger family-friendly companies now have special rooms devoted to pumping, called lactation stations. If your company doesn’t have such a room, set-up a daily pumping schedule where you can shut your office door (or use someone else’s office when they’re in meetings). Cover the windows, lock the door and put a note on the door as to when you’ll be done. Make sure you’ve got refrigeration available (if needed) and consider how convenient your clothing is to workday pumping. Pumping at the office can be a hassle but it gives you the freedom to continue nursing for as long as you choose. As an added bonus, if you’re missing your baby, stressed, or feeling guilty, you may find that the oxytocin and endorphins released through the pumping will help alleviate some of these feelings.

Expect to Feel Guilty When you’re working a lot of hours and away from your child for long periods of time, you may be consumed with feelings of guilt. You may also feel guilty for leaving your child to go to work, guilty that going to work sometimes feels like a welcome break from your child or guilty when you have to leave work early. Guilt is a given. I work with my clients to help them manage this guilt (see the last ezine article on how to manage guilt). You can’t control guilt but you can choose what you want to do about it.

Learn How to Compartmentalize As we already established, when you’re at work, you may feel guilty. Then, when you’re with your child, you may find that you’re easily distracted by thoughts of work, household chores or a million little tasks that need attention. Do your best to be in the moment. If you’re able to be fully present when spending time with your child, you’ll feel less guilty when you’re not with them. Easier said than done, right? Read my upcoming article for tricks on how to become more present and focused when spending quality time with your baby.

Set a Trial Period Allow yourself a ninety-day trial period to see how your new weekly schedule works for you and your family. Once you’re through this trial period, assess how it’s working and change your schedule accordingly. Also, as your child grows and develops, you may need to continue to tweak your schedule.

Keep it in Perspective At the end of the day, all of this careful planning can’t account for emotions. During the post-partum period, your hormones are in huge flux and if you find yourself in tears the first day back at work, remember that you’re not alone and there’s no need to beat yourself up about it. The good news is, research shows that if you have an enjoyable job that inspires and motivates you, it’s beneficial for your health and for the health of your child. So, hang in there, give yourself a break and remember that by taking care of yourself, you’re taking care of your baby.

transition back to work after maternity leave

How to Manage Guilt So it Doesn’t Manage You

Written on May 5, 2007. Posted in Working Mothers Newsletter.

Take a moment for yourself and check out my new website for working mothers: www.workingmotherscoach.com. Also, note the launch of the Working Mothers’ Balance Program© – 90 days, one goal – under the workshops tab.

In in-depth interviews I recently conducted with 25 executive mothers across the U.S., they cited guilt as their number one challenge. Guilt that they have to leave their kids to go to work, guilt that going to work sometimes feels like a welcome break from their kids and guilt when they have to leave work early to pick up their kids.

Whether it’s guilt related to being a working parent or guilt related to something else in your life, this month’s article provides practical coaching solutions to help you better manage your guilt.

To your health, happiness and success,
Amber

How to Manage Guilt So it Doesn’t Manage You

You’ve been there – you know the feeling. It’s that nagging sense that you’ve done something wrong, unfair or otherwise inadequate and you can’t stop beating yourself up about it. It may be part of all our lives but guilt doesn’t have to run anyone’s life.

When was the last time you felt guilty? Perhaps it was when you didn’t spend enough time with your family or friends. Or when you left work early or burned the kids’ dinner.

If you’re a parent who works outside the home, you’re probably all too familiar with these feelings of coming up short and not being the parent or professional you want to be. You may find that there’s not enough time in the day to do everything perfectly and that something always has to give. This tug of war can be extremely challenging.

Whether it’s guilt related to being a working parent or guilt related to something else in your life, guilt is a self-limiting, self-sabotaging thought that holds you back from where you are now to where you want to be. Guilt, fear, worry and doubt are the biggest, most common self-limiting thoughts or beliefs. They often disguise themselves as your good, old, familiar friends that have kept you comfortable and safe. As long as you’ve listened to them, you’ve been OK.

As much as guilt, fear, worry and doubt may have served you or kept you safe in the past, they may have also prevented you from finding a more rewarding job or taking that much deserved vacation. Or, they may have simply diverted your energy away from more important, meaningful things.

The first step in managing these negative thoughts is noticing when they rear their ugly heads.

The next time you’re feeling guilty, take out a piece of paper and a pen and write down everything that comes to mind. If you get really curious about what happens when you feel guilty, you will learn more about your relationship to guilt and, as a result, be better able to manage guilt.

Below are some questions to ask yourself:

When did you start to feel guilty?
What happened right before you started to feel guilty?
How does guilt show up in your body?
How does guilt serve you?
What is the cost of feeling guilty?
What else do you notice?

Greater awareness of negative thoughts leads to better management of negative thoughts. Once you’re aware of when, why and how you feel guilty, you’ll be better able to manage guilt.

The next step is to have an honest conversation with yourself. Did you do the best you could, given the situation? If the answer is yes, then you can work on giving yourself permission to let go of that guilt. If the answer is no, then you can come up with a plan to do better next time. Once you have your plan, it’s time to give yourself permission to let go of that guilt.

Easier said then done, right? Check back for an upcoming article on how to let go of perfection. Whether it’s passing up overtime or weekend work to spend some extra time with your kids, living with a less than sparkling clean house or cooking simpler dinners, you probably have more choices than you think. It’s just a matter of planning instead of automatically scheduling yours, and your family’s, lives away.

So, the next time you’re feeling guilty, instead of cascading down the guilt spiral, simply notice the guilt and ask yourself some honest questions. Then, you can make an intentional choice about what to do next. You can’t control negative thoughts but you can choose what you want to do about them. Isn’t choice a beautiful thing?

Juggling kids, career, marriage and personal time?

Written on March 5, 2007. Posted in Working Mothers Newsletter.

Exciting news! I just completed in-depth interviews with 25 executive mothers to uncover their top challenges and the results are incredibly revealing for all working parents – both mothers and fathers.

Did you know that executive mothers cite guilt as their number one challenge? Guilt that they have to leave their kids to go to work, guilt that going to work sometimes feels like a welcome break from their kids and guilt that they have to leave work early to pick up their kids from daycare?

On a lighter note, did you know that the Tyra Banks show is a favorite among working mothers?

This month’s article outlines the survey results and offers some insight into setting priorities. Check back next month for the first in a series of articles that will review the survey results in more depth and provide practical coaching solutions and programs to address each challenge.

To your health, happiness and success,
Amber

Juggling kids, career, marriage and personal time?

Have you ever been fascinated by certain people and wanted to truly understand what motivates them, what scares them and what keeps them up at night?

Over the last couple of years, I’ve noticed that working mothers come to coaching looking for solutions to very specific challenges, not the least of which is balancing work and family. The more I coach working mothers, the more passionate I’ve become about helping them with their challenges. So, I decided to conduct in-depth interviews with 25 executive mothers to understand their deepest, darkest worries so I could develop coaching programs to help them effect change in their personal and professional lives.

The survey revealed that executive mothers cite guilt as their number one challenge. Guilt that they have to leave their kids to go to work, guilt that going to work sometimes feels like a welcome break from their kids and guilt that they have to leave work early to pick up their kids from daycare.

Following are additional survey results of 25 working mothers in senior-level management positions across the U.S.

Top Challenges for Working Mothers:

91% feel they’re struggling to juggle kids, career, marriage, and personal time
87% feel that if they just had more time, they could get it all done
82% report that running from commitment to commitment and lack of sleep take a toll on their personal time, health and well-being
77% are struggling to lose those last 10-20 pounds post-pregnancy
73% feel they are playing a constant balancing act in which something always has to give
71% feel guilty, stressed and exhausted

Top Resources for Working Mothers:

89% have read parenting books, magazines or websites
78% have tried mom’s groups
46% have tried parenting classes or workshops
82% said they received some benefits from these resources but were unable to make lasting change

Does this sound like you? While the study focused on working mothers, I’m sure working fathers face many of the same challenges.

So, what can you do about it?

One thing that was consistent for the dynamic group of women I interviewed is that they recognize the value of constantly re-evaluating, re-prioritizing and re-connecting with what’s most important for them that day, week, or year. They understand the need to take a step back, get perspective and re-calibrate their priorities both as new situations come up and as they go about their daily routine.

You may find that there are some times in your life when you need to focus on making money, some times when spending time with your family has to be the priority and some times when you just need to carve out a little bit of alone time. The trick is to get enough perspective so that you feel you are intentionally making choices instead of having life “happen” to you, completely out of your control.

So, the next time you’re feeling guilty, stressed or overwhelmed, take five minutes to go outside, look up at the sky and ask yourself, “What’s the big picture perspective?”

juggling kids career marriage

Author: plcwp-admin

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Step 1: Choose Your Contacts Wisely

Step 2: Make the Ask

Step 3: Set the Stage

Step 4: It’s All About Them

Step 5: Make a Lasting Impression

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Step One:

Step Two:

How to Transition Back to Work After Maternity Leave

How to Manage Guilt So it Doesn’t Manage You

Juggling kids, career, marriage and personal time?

Top Challenges for Working Mothers:

Top Resources for Working Mothers:

So, what can you do about it?

Schedule Your Complimentary Phone Consultation Today